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Why Do We Feel the Need to Please Others? Understanding People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response



Traumatic experiences can have a profound impact on an individual's psyche and behaviour. One common response to trauma is the development of people-pleasing tendencies.



When someone goes through a traumatic experience, they may feel a sense of powerlessness, loss, or vulnerability. This can lead to a heightened desire for safety, acceptance, and validation from others. People-pleasing behaviour often arises as a coping mechanism to gain a sense of control over their environment and alleviate feelings of fear and insecurity.



People-pleasers often have an intense need for approval and will go to great lengths to avoid conflict or rejection. They tend to prioritise the needs and desires of others over their own, suppressing their own authentic feelings and desires in the process. This behaviour is driven by the belief that by pleasing others, they can minimise the risk of re-experiencing the trauma or being abandoned.



Additionally, traumatic experiences often disrupt an individual's sense of self-esteem and self-worth. People-pleasers may believe that their value lies in their ability to meet the needs and expectations of others. This can create a cycle of constantly seeking external validation, as they believe their worth is contingent upon others' approval.



It is important to note that people-pleasing behaviour, while initially serving as a protective mechanism, can be detrimental to an individual's well-being and relationships in the long run. It often leads to a constant state of self-neglect and emotional exhaustion, leading to a lack of authenticity and personal fulfilment.



Overcoming people-pleasing tendencies after trauma requires a process of healing and self-reflection. Recognizing one's own needs, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to value and prioritise one's own well-being are important steps towards breaking free from people-pleasing patterns.



Ana🌹

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